Celebrating my premie babies

Braedan Kgosi Hamilton: Born at 15:48; 1.44kgs (3.16 pounds)

Lachlan Motsumi Hamilton: Born at 15:51; 1.56kgs (3.44 pounds)

At 26 weeks gestation I felt more uncomfortable than usual so I said the Graham, Love let's go to the hospital and make sure everything is ok with the babies and me. I got checked at the triage but with my anxieties towards taking my blood pressure, it shot so high that I got admitted immediately.

I spend 8 weeks in hospital due to my chronic high blood pressure and pregnancy with twins. I had a recipe for a high-risk pregnancy. It was an intense time with Dr’s running around to keep my kids inside at least till 28 weeks. Honestly, we were so scared but I also had to get myself settled and relaxed. The more I stressed, the higher the BP raised and more danger for my boys.

The woman who I am made my hospital stay memorable. After a mom on her way to delivery told me to listen to guided meditation to calm down my attitude changed. From being a victim to a mom that was pregnant and that will go to great lengths to protect her babies. I laughed, I became happy, and honestly, I enjoyed my stay in the hospital. I watch local soapies with other mom's. I had nurses coming to sit on my bed listening to stories from Botswana. My Mom made African food and I shared the nurses. Fat Amy was my nurse in charge. Even on Fat Amy’s off days, the nurses would call her to come to pick up the food my mom brought for us.

Between all these seemingly happy times there was so much fear, fear of the unknown, what tomorrow will bring but thinking in the future did not serve me well so I tried very hard to stay present. I felt all the prayers and positive thoughts from people and families around the world. It was such an amazing connection.

At Prince of Wales Hospital

I gave birth by C-section on the 9 May 2016. Boys were born at 31 weeks and 5 days.

After spending 9 weeks in total in the hospital, I was so relieved to leave my babies behind and let someone else take care of them. I needed to take care of myself first and become ”normal” again. I was in no way capable to be responsible for these little people. Braedan stayed for 10 weeks and Lachlan stayed for 8 weeks. I expressed milk, froze it then take it for them. We went to the hospital every day. Sometimes I found myself there twice a day. Seeing them there so tiny and fragile was overwhelming. I saw my name tag on their little ankles but they did not feel like mine. It felt like they still belonged to the universe.

I suppose we did not have skin contact for a long so bonding did not come naturally. They were so small and connected to all the tubes. I felt at peace because the level of care my babies got was unbelievable. Every day making small progress.

I do thank God every day that even though my boys were born prematurely they were healthy and active. Until today we are truly blessed! As time went along the boys were moved to a less dependency unit.  There they were nurtured to get stronger and to gain weight. We could finally hold them, feeling their heartbeats at the same pace as mine, I smelled them, trying to imprint them into all my senses till tomorrow when MOMMA can hold them again.

I know moms talk about that instant earth-shattering, overwhelming love they have for their babies, but sometimes, some of us have to work at it. Not because my love is less. For me, I gave my all energy during my difficult pregnancy. The few weeks without the babies at home, I slowly started to feel like me again.

I became a mom, slowly and surely my heart filled with anticipation, overwhelming love, fear, and all emotions new moms go through. My mind kept wondering if I am really capable to rear these dependent souls into this world. They do not come with a manual, so Graham and I learned as we went along.

Graham took to being a dad, with such ease and confidence. I felt my gratitude there, that at least my babies had one instant parent from the beginning while I needed time to come to terms with the trauma of my hospital stay. I could not sleep many nights as my mind raced over the could-haves and what-ifs. I needed help so I spoke to a phycologist dealing with trauma. This helped me more than I can give it credit.

As the weeks pass the boys became fun, responsive, the nappy changing, feeding was all part of our bonding in the hospital. Week by week we expected them to come home, but the low weight kept them snugged in hospital.

Then one day the nurse said Lachlan could come home the next day. Lachlan's homecoming was bittersweet as Graham's dad past away a few days later. RIP DAD!!! We are happy that you saw your grandchildren even if it was through social media. We are honored that you left knowing they are here and that you loved them. Two weeks later Braedan joined us. WE BECAME A COMPLETE FAMILY!!!!

Professor NG, his team, and nurses at the NICU we are forever grateful to you!!! The dedication these tiny souls got in your wards were remarkable. You have given my babies the best start in life while making us as their parents feel at ease!!!!!   THANK YOU!!!!

We just celebrated their fourth birthday on the 9 May 2020, the boys are a handful and extreme amounts of energy to keep us busy. They are beautiful and we feel so blessed to be parents.

Happy birthday my handsome boys

We love you.

Momma and Daddy

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